Wormfarm

I hope all of these earworms are feeding my brain in the same way that a worm farm feeds the garden, rather than eating it away. Too many this morning and it would be a day's work to identify some of them, which are in my partner's collection of classical CDs.
One thing about having too many is that they clear quickly when I get out of bed. I was struggling for inspiration for today's poem when I heard a great parody satirising a radio presenter that I like to listen to. It reminded me of a parody that I had begun writing to a friend who is critical of social media etiquette. The unfinished parody was based on Shakespeare's Shall I compare thee to a summer's day and has taken on another form. I have also employed the device where the last line defies the rhyme (for obvious reasons)

Shall I reply to thee with emoticons?

I think I’d better not

A smiley face is not your style

They don’t come with blood and snot

Better to use parentheses

To enclose some words of wit

Rather than the email silence

That says I’m in your bad books

Making a list

But I had to make a song to go with it first. It's an unfinished song to the tune of Leonard Cohen's 'Hallejulah'. I particularly like the Choir of Hard Knocks version (you can see a short selection of it here), but kd lang is also hard to beat, even at the Logies.

A writer gets organised

I think about the life I’ve missed
And now I think I’ll make a list
Of things to do before life passes by me
And on the list is
‘Write some stuff’
Write it now, and write enough
Procrastinate no more and write it truly

Write it truly, write it truly
Write it truly, write it truly

I can do it but I need a shove
An iron fist in velvet glove
Get it down then prune it with a hacksaw
Lock me to
My writing chair
Chocolate, wine, a bit of air
And let me pick the cabbage from coleslaw

From the coleslaw, from the coleslaw
From the coleslaw, from the coleslaw

I know that I’ve been here before
The shirts I’ve washed hang on the door
And all of them I know are needing pressing,
I feel that I
Must clean my desk
So much dust it looks grotesque
It’ll be back next week so there’s no point in stressing

No point in stressing, no point in stressing
No point in stressing, no point in stressing

I’ll feed the cats, put out the bin
And notify the next of kin
I’ll be going incommunicado
When I get
The writer’s block
I’ll do some rows and finish Sock
I’ll be doing stuff and that is my bravado

My bravado,my bravado
My bravado, my bravado

If all I write is judged as shit
At least I’ll know I tried a bit
Who knows how times to come will score it
And even if
I go awry
It’s not as if I didn’t try
And told the story exactly as I saw it

As I saw it, as I saw it
As I saw it, as I saw it

Sock's Lament

recidivist n. one who relapses [into crime]

(tune) What about me?

Well I see you’ve bought some boucle back with needles from the yarn shop
While I’ve been waiting here, living with my fear
Of my stitches being ripped out to the top
Oh I hate to nag, but you’ve hit a snag
In the Year to Finish Off

[Chorus]
What about me, it isn’t fair
Socks need a heel, to walk somewhere
Can’t you see, please come and sit
Grab the needles and just knit

And I’m lying on the table and I'm worried I'm about to drop

I’m staring down the cats, they’d love to come and play

And once they do you know they’ll never stop
Once I hit the ground, so much wool around
You’d have to start it all again

[Chorus]
What about me, it isn’t fair
I'm half of one, you need a pair
Can’t you see, just how I feel
Please come and turn my blasted heel

[Bridge]
So take a step back and see abandoned projects
In lots of bags but they cry out that
Their yarns are still good
So listen, as they whisper
What about me

Still waiting on the table, I'm waiting for a heel that’s turned
Nothing’s changed, no stitches rearranged
Feeling like a lover who’s been spurned
With a bit of luck, you will pick me up
Then to the world I'll say

[Chorus]
Will you look at me, thought she didn’t care
I’m a hand knit sock, I'm a joy to wear
Slip me on, I’ll massage your feet
Just one more I’ll be complete

What about it?